How to heal from an abusive relationship: What to know
You are already separated from that abusive partner but don’t know what to do with yourself, with your feelings and emotions?
Congratulations, you have taken the most important step; you have recognized the type of relationship you were in and you have made the decision to separate taking safety steps. If you are having doubts about your ex-partner or about the relationship, whether it was abusive or not so good, or toxic, please review my previous blog on how to determine if you are in an abusive relationship.
What to do Now
You probably feel that your mind keeps remembering only the good moments, the good feelings and emotions you used to feel when you were together, but somehow you most likely don’t think about the abusive moments, about the moments where you were afraid of the other person, where you started walking on eggshells to keep everything calm, or the moments where you felt you were not good enough no matter how much you would try, or those nights that felt longer and longer without restful sleep thinking of this or that would get him/her upset.
Your mind likes to keep you in the comfort zone all the time, even if that comfort zone is not good for you, but it is what it knows best.
Now that you are alone with yourself, with your thoughts and your feelings, start writing on a piece of paper all the negative things, all the reasons why you made that first decision to leave, make a long list, add every single detail, of what happened, how did you feel every day, for how long did you experience anxiety, depression, sadness, fear, guilt, shame. Your job is to constantly remind yourself in a conscious way that you made the right decision to leave the relationship…….. and write and write all the reasons. This technique will help you, especially in those moments where you question yourself if it was a good call to leave or not or those moments where you miss that ex-partner and you find yourself thinking of calling him/her.
Instead of start feeling like a victim, I want you to shift your perspective and think of the positive things you have learned during this time, or from this person, remember that Life Happens for You. Behind every wall, there is a blessing in disguise. Focus now on what you have actually learned. Treat yourself as if you are talking to your best friend, what would you tell that person, and what advice would you give at that moment?
When guilt, shame, worry, anxiety, or sadness starts popping up, I want to consciously question those feelings, those thoughts; questions those beliefs:
What do I really feel right now?
Where is this feeling coming from?
Is this feeling mine or it is his/her?
Do I really believe that?
Am I really crazy?
Question question question every thought, Do not take it for granted, most of our feelings, thoughts, and beliefs, come from the people we surround ourselves with, from mom, dad, relatives, and friends. Questions will keep you focused, and you train your mind and also it will help to get to know yourself better.
If you think you need professional help, because everything you have tried hasn’t really worked so far, and you still feel anxious, fearful, or sad, please do not hesitate to contact professional help. You are not alone, many others have also gone through painful situations, and with help, they have transformed their lives for the better.
At Aventurine Counseling and Coaching we help you go through and overcome difficult life circumstances, feelings, and emotions from your past, present, and future. Make the decision today to not go through these types of relationships again and learn from your life situations.